Ambivalence in Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a magical time, isn’t it?
For once, this isn’t a rhetorical question. For many women the answer is yes: pregnancy does stir up a near-magical power that buoys us through nausea, fatigue, aches, worries, heartburn and finally labour. Pregnancy is a time of unlimited potential, full of dreams about the baby/babies growing even while you sleep, pinning adorable nursery ideas, and making lists of names.

Except sometimes it isn’t.

In recent years, the taboo has started to lift off the topic of postpartum depression, and I hope that women will continue to find greater openness and support around the topics of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. Another area we need to make ground on is the subject of ambivalence in pregnancy, the non-magical reality that many women face mixed emotions throughout and about their pregnancy. Our culture prefers the fairytale of mothers-to-be who smile sweetly as they cradle their growing belly in maternity photo shoots, the women who anticipate their baby’s birth with unhindered optimism and joy while they ably handle all of their usual responsibilities.

In reality, pregnancy and early motherhood can be challenging times, especially when a pregnancy was not planned or did not turn out as expected. The hormones that flood a woman’s system to sustain the life taking root in her womb can deplete her energy, her appetite, and her emotions. Pregnancy is a season of unqualified vulnerability, and all the more so when we gloss over the burden it can bring. Having even one person with whom you can share your mixed feelings can be a huge relief, and the more we have these conversations hopefully the more honest women can be when their pregnancy is not the fairy tale they imagined.

*As a doula, I’m a great listener, but I am not a professional counselor. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, your baby, or anyone else, get help. Speak to your care provider as soon as possible, or if that is not suitable, in Toronto you can call the 408 HELP line at 416-408-4357. This crisis support service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.